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[12 Jan 2005|12:58am] |
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So I created a different livejournal. Click here to check it out.
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[10 Jan 2005|09:43pm] |
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mood |
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Okay. So I finally know what's going on for my trip to Australia. I'm going for 4 weeks. I am really excited about going and seeing my cousins. I am still contemplating on whether or not I want to make this trip a permanent one. I guess I will decide after spending that month there if I really want to come back.
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[09 Jan 2005|12:30pm] |
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mood |
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 hungry |
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music |
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She (thanks Alanna lol) |
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Yea- so Friday Katie came over and we listened to the hair spray soundtrack and sang to "class" from Chicago. Later we watched Donnie Darko which I must say is an amazing movie. I am now reading the Da Vinci Code. Everyone keeps saying it is good and why not broaden you horizons right? As for my tremendous writers block that I have probably had since- last year (ouch)- I talked to my mum and she is bringing me to an antique shop later today. I get to find something from there and figure out where it came from, who had it, what is the symbolism in that, what age period, blablabla. It should be interesting to go along with this project and see where it gets me. My only problem is that I don't know if I have enough motivation to actually keep up with writing this thing. My mind constantly jumps from one thing to another. One minute it's piano, next it's guitar, or drawing, or writing, or... who knows. My point is that I know the basics of everything that I mentioned- but how do I get good at something if I am constantly jumping from one thing to the next? I think I am overloading myself with stuff. I know that I do not have to be good at everything and I won't learn something overnight- it takes time. But there is just so much that I want to do. So much that I want to experience. Lately I have also wanted to add- photography, psychology and modern dance to my pile. So much to take in yet not enough of me.
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[08 Jan 2005|06:51pm] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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music |
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stand by me- john lennon |
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you never gave a shit about me anyway...
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| practical magic |
[05 Jan 2005|10:46pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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border done by accident-but I liked it so I decided not to change it.
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[05 Jan 2005|07:35pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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.:highlight of the day- walking in on troy and taylor peeing. I love you nichole!! Two down!:.
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[04 Jan 2005|08:09pm] |
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mood |
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 random |
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I love my vagina! -wow Matt, that sounds bad
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[03 Jan 2005|09:51pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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Katy Rose and Gwen Stefani |
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First Name : Stephanie
Hair Color : Dark Brown
Last Name : McGrath
Hair Style : I'm my hairdressers canvas
Eye Color : Blue
Height : 5'6
Location : Orlando, Fl
Birthday: August 25, 1989
Zodiac Sign : Virgo
Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend : hahaha
Do you have a crush? nope
Favorite
Favorite Animal : Bengaled tiger
Favorite Sport : Rugby
Favorite Color(s) : Red and purple
Favorite Song(s)of the Moment : "I like" by Katy Rose
Favorite Movie : Drop dead fred
Favorite Store : don't have one
Favorite Feeling : when i find inspiration
Favorite Shoe : my boots=also kill my feet
Favorite Scent :Vanilla
Misc
Do You Wear Make-Up : Yes
Which is more important, personality or looks : Personality
What kind of personality do you like in a guy/girl : Musician. Funny. Passionate.
What is your idea of the perfect guy/girl: Don't have one. No such thing as perfection even though I'm always striving for it out of myself
Would you ever ask someone out: I don't know
Do you prefer blondes or brunettes: I don't care
Love, Life & Friends
What is the first thing you notice about someone : their heart and smile
Whens the last time you cried : Yesterday lol (go emo kids!)
What do you want to be when you grow up : an english professor or a sex theropist
Do you sleep with stuffed animals : Sometimes i sleep with my bear
Do you want children : I don't know where i'll be in ten years, but if i do end up with a girl i want to name her Astrid =)
How far have you gone : in what aspect?
Do you like someone right now: no
Do they know : i don't like anyone
Do you have a best friend : yes
Within the last 24 hours, have you..
Had a serious talk : yes
Hugged someone : abso-bloody-luetly
If yes,Who? : i don't remember..to many people
Kissed somene : No
If yes,Who :
Gotten along well with your parents : actually out of a miracle i'm getting along with my mother
Fought with a friend : Nope
Do you like to..
Give hugs : Yes!
Give back rubs : not really
Take walks in the rain : whenever i get the opportunity
You ever have that falling dream : Yes
What is on the walls of your room : black and white pictures, a lovely mask
When you chew gum, what kind : winterfresh
Do you use chapstick: sometimes
In the last 2 months have/did you..
Drink : no
Drugs : after watching requiem for a dream??...ahahaha
Have Sex : i'm a virgin =D
Smoke : ewww
Made Out : yup
Go on a date : i think so...
Go to the movies : all the time lol
Go to the mall : all the time
Eaten an entire box of Oreos : no- i need to do that
Eaten sushi : I HATE sushi
Been on stage : definatly
Been dumped : not technically
Had someone be unfaithful to you : nope
Watched The Smurfs : omg! i miss them!
Hiked a mountain : not yet
Made homemade cookies : yea...more like...cookie pieces lol
Been in love : no
-----------------
[what do you notice first?] somebody's smile
[last person you slow danced with] I think it was Karoline...
[worst thing to say ]my words make you vomit *cough*matt*cough*
-W H O-
[makes you laugh the most?] my dad
[makes you smile] everyone i love and care about
[gives you a funny feeling when you see them/talk to them] juan
[who do you have a crush on?] nobody
[easiest to talk to] juan
-D O . Y O U . E V E R-
[Stay on aim, waitin for someone special to IM you] LoL, only if i'm bored
[save aol/aim conversations] only the good ones
[wish you were a member of the opposite sex] during the time of the month
[cry because of someone saying something to you] Haha, yes
-H A V E . Y O U . E V E R-
[fallen for your best friend] hahaha- yea
[been rejected?] yup
[rejected someone] only bitchy people
[used someone] never
[been cheated on] not that i know of
[done something you regret] I don't make regrets
-W H O . W A S . T H E . L A S T . P E R S O N-
[you talked to on the phone] my aunt...bleh
[hugged] keiths mum i think lol
[you instant messaged] keith hahaha
[instant messaged you?] josh
[you laughed with] Karoline
[you kissed] Nate
[you went out with] Karoline
-D O . Y O U / / A R E . Y O U-
[color your hair] Dark Brown
[habla espanol] Si
[smoke cigarettes]never
[obsessive?] i can be
[could you live without the computer?] Oh god no!
[How many peeps are on your buddylist?] 119
[what's your favorite food?] dark chocolate
[whats your favorite fruit?] kiwi
[drink alchohol?] nope
[like watching sunrises or sunset] I love sunsets
[what hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?] Emotional pain, it stays with you forever
[trust others way too easily?] not really
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| New picture |
[03 Jan 2005|06:41pm] |
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mood |
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 i <3 photoshop |
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music |
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i love raymond..bleh |
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I just decided to try to do some photo-manipulation. I made the new background to my lj...even though it's tad off i don't care. But the following picture was the first one I've done- hopefully out of many to come. Anyway, what do you think?
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[02 Jan 2005|06:10pm] |
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mood |
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chipper |
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I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions- no more, no less. Ask me anything you want. Then I want you to go to your journal, copy & paste this, allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything
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| 2005 ahhhh |
[01 Jan 2005|10:41pm] |
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mood |
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dark chocolate-how i love thee |
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music |
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80's music |
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Happy New Years people!! I hope you all had a great time. My night basically consisted of throwing firecrackers into a bonfire, destroying spongebob, trampolines, suicide drinks, inventing strawberry murders and gothic kicks (hehe), awesome artsy photos and edward scissorhands. Oh! I also decided after watching meet the fockers that I am become a sex theropist when I am older...that or an english professor...meh.
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| Confession of a hopeless romantic. |
[31 Dec 2004|05:56pm] |
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mood |
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 restless |
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music |
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clicking of the keys |
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((Wanted to do a character build for a book I will probably start and never finish. I think this shows enough about the character- all exposed and nothing hiding.))
Dear ______ ,
Time does not change what is inside your heart, and you will not love me.
But I shall stand here:
* bleeding
* dying
Waiting for:
* words that will not come
* arms that will not open
* future that will not happen
I do not know why my stomach fills with butterflies when your name is spoken.
I do not know why my heart skips a beat when you come calling.
I do not know why I break into a sweat when I pull onto your street.
I do not know why I lie awake at night thinking of what ifs and could be's.
I could list the reason I love you:
* you love music more than I do and you share your knowledge with me
* there's a fine line between insanely smart and just plain insane but both make you interesting
* you make me laugh and smile like no one else
* you're beautiful to me
* you are something that I cannot have
I could list the reasons I hate you:
* you love to blow me off
* your words are often hollow and cold
* you know how I feel and think you have a right to tell me who I am
* the mere mention of another female sends me into a inner struggle with jealous rage
* you are something I cannot have
Sometimes I wonder if I've really wasted a year and a half of my life on you.
Am I that blind?
You will never be mine, despite the fact that I've opened my soul to you in every way imaginable.
My heart has bled at your feet in more ways than one and you only know how to make it worse.
You know I love you and you're terrified. Why?
You run away at the faintest mention of my undying loyal love for you.
You walk one step ahead so I cannot catch you.
And I, the saddest girl in the world, trail ever so faithfully behind.
You will never love me, but I will continue to miserably love you.
You are my bane.
* my curse
* my plague
* my love
Sometimes you don't know what you have until you've lost it.
Remember that when you really want to jump off your roof.
You will not fly and I will not catch you.
Sincerely,
___________
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| wow. |
[27 Dec 2004|11:12pm] |
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mood |
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artistic |
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You Are a Dreaming Soul |
Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you awy from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult
You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.
Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul
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| hahahahahaha |
[27 Dec 2004|11:01pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
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music |
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falling to pieces |
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Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence |
You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.
An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.
You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view.
A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.
You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.
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[23 Dec 2004|11:26pm] |
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happy alex?? *sigh*
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| i hope you dance |
[12 Dec 2004|06:22pm] |
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mood |
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creative |
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I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat, but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
Chorus: I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
I hope you dance, I hope you dance
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin’ might mean takin’ chances, but they're worth takin’
Lovin’ might be a mistake but it's worth makin’
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
I hope you dance (time is a wheel in constant motion always)
I hope you dance (rolling us along)
I hope you dance (tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)
I hope you dance (where those years have gone)
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
dance (hold for 2 4 counts), I hope you dance,
I hope you dance (time is wheel in constant motion always)
I hope you dance (rolling us along)
I hope you dance (tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)
I hope you dance (where those years have gone)
(tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)
(where those years have gone)
**i absoluetly love this song! There is alot of conflict in drama. It is insane and ridiculous. This is high school people , not middle school. Grow up. If you have a problem with somebody talk to them, don't talk about them behind their backs. Drama is my favorite place to be, and i love everyone in drama. I know there are issues but maybe if the people having these issues talked them out instead of talking about it to everyone else it would be a happier place. I love this song because it shows freedom. It moves me. I strive to find things that i'm passionate about and this song reminds me to hold up my head and get through the rough spots in life. There will always be problems guys. We are too close of a family for there not to be. If you have a problem you know you can always talk to me. I'll drop everything to help you. But if you have a problem with somebody else, talk to that person. I love you all!
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| On love |
[08 Dec 2004|09:13pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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To say that I need you, I must then justify this need -- why do I need you. I need you because I feel loved; I feel special; I feel wanted. I need you because you open my eyes and open my views. I need you because you are strength when I am weak, perseverance when I am lazy, crazy when I am all too sane. I need you because, by example, you teach me how to feel; teach me how to rely upon myself; teach me what it means to be strong. I need you because you need me.
But need has nothing to do with love. Need gets in the way of love -- provides conditions of expectancies; provides a termination of affairs whenever those needs are fulfilled. Need does love a great disservice. To say I love you because I need you is selfish, not self-less, and means that I have no concept of what love truly is.
To say that I want you, I must justify this want -- why do I want you? I want you because I feel loved; I feel special; I feel needed. I want you because you are a great teacher of who I am and who we are -- inspiring me to new realms, new schisms, new identities. I want you because you help bring out the best in me. I want you because you help bring out the worst in me, and help me to evolve. I want you, too, out of familiarity and comfort.
But want has nothing to do with love. Want gets in the way of love -- provides conditions and expectancies; provides an avenue of stasis and staleness, stagnant. Want does love a great disservice. Thus, to say I love you because I want you means I have no concept of what love is.
I am far from a perfect love. To say I want you, I need you is not indicative of love. These are not the basis for love. Love is a state of being, a state of joy that no human word can approximate the feeling of, which is why we so often confuse want, need, lust, love. Love, as a state of being, does not fluctuate with the daily sufferings of life -- nor does it demonstrate itself in flowers and sex and wine. Love is not unrealistic expectations out of your lover -- love is not any expectation out of your lover. Love is not needing, not wanting, but something else entirely. Love is holy. Love is holy. To say otherwise is not love.
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[04 Dec 2004|01:33pm] |
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mood |
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aggravated |
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I am so frustrated with my family. Everybody is so miserable and mean and I'm sick of it. First of all my brother's behavior is almost exactly like my sisters. They. just. don't. care. about anything!! They have no motivation. My brother is smart. He's excellent at math. He's also failing it because he doesn't care what happens to him. He doesn't like anything, he has no skills, and whenever he doesn't get his own way he's furious and hates everything and everybody. My mother is just as bad. Except there is always something "tragic" in her life. The only thing she has for herself is her alcohol. She's a health freak...doesn't believe in vacinations or antibiotics, yet every night she makes herself a glass of something. Martini anybody?? She hides everything with anger. I will never live up to my mothers standards. I will never make her proud. Get a b? great, now go higher. She has no passion, no reason to live. She has a husband who loves her so much, but she's to strong to be happy. She's too busy making up new and improved ways for me to clean the house than to give her husband a hug.
I was driving in the car with my parents a few weeks ago and i asked them what they enjoy doing. They couldn't answer. They have nothing. My dad said he wants mum to be what his passion is directed at. He tries. He really does. Mum just doesn't like being touched. I know they love eachother. I understand that, just show some affection now and again, is it really that hard?
If i end up like my mother or brother or sister, i'm commiting suicide. I wouldn't matter anyway because they're already fucking dead inside.
I use to hate my father. Then he moved away and i noticed how much of a selfish bitch i was being. He is the sweetest man i have ever met. I love him always.
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